Soaring

I think it’s been slightly more than a month since I’ve given up dieting. I feel better. I have stopped bingeing. Sometimes I do feel like I eat more on certain days even when I’m not hungry, but it’s no where near a binge. I am proud of myself. I am supposed to meet with the University counsellor this Wednesday afternoon and I was thinking of cancelling it because it is right smack in the middle of my exams but I think I shall not. I better use this avenue since I can and since it doesn’t come by so easily. This appointment was 3 weeks later from the initial consultation.

I am always thinking of my body image now and how I perceive myself and why is it that I generally don’t feel adequate enough. I am at a much better place but I know that this is just a transitory phase. I want to get stronger and I want to be leaner. But I sure as hell do not ever want to diet again. I eat healthily now and I don’t even crave junk that much. Seriously, I wish I can binge on Greek yoghurt instead of chocolates. I have been going to the gym, doing short exercises at home (when I am too lazy to go) and I feel good. I want to increase these. I want to do more. I want to go back to where I was before but it is a journey and I sure as hell am not rushing or forcing myself into anything. It is supposed to be stress free and enjoyable. So that’s what I want to do. Besides, I’ve stopped for now because I am having exams. I will continue once I am back home (though it is the fasting month but oh well, Ya Ali, madat!).

I have been writing in my journal too (though not as often). I should write more. I enjoy it. It is therapeutic. I worry too much. I worry if i exceed 1 page then the journal will run out faster but I don’t understand why I have this “Save it for later” syndrome. What am I waiting for? Why am I waiting for? I mean, the time is now. I should live now. I have to stop the “When I Am Thin” thing I have going on. I will be thinner. OR at least stronger. But in the mean time, I have got to learn how to live. I have got to love myself even though nobody else will. I hate my cousins for making me feel inadequate really.
I will explore my feelings in greater depth on that topic but for now, it is sufficient to say that I always feel like shit in front of them. Maybe it’s because they turn everything into a competition, maybe it’s because they pass remarks, or maybe it’s because they get every guy they want. And I will always, always be the fat girl.

Geesh, self love? Working on it.

My New Life: Rants & Updates

Back on here to record my progress. I feel good right now but I will come to that soon.

I feel much happier that I am no longer on any diet. I eat well. I don’t see the time. I try to eat about 5-6 meals a day but I am no longer restricting every damn thing. Sure, some days I could do better but then I am human and to err is human nature so whatever.

Monday : Ate as per normal. Skipped the croissant. Ate cereal & milk. But but but, most importantly, I started my day with a 20 min run (yeah yeah where was I and where I am, but baby steps) and I added in 20 reps each of push-ups, squats and leg lifts.

Tuesday: Same thing. I think I had a blueberry muffin this day.

Wednesday: Went for 30 min RPM class at the gym but before that I clocked in 1 min (dropped at 40 s) of plank & the usual 20-20-20 push ups, squats and leg lifts.

Thursday: Went for body pump class. Had an orange & poppy seed muffin before. But hey, no binge-ing.

Friday: Felt bad because I felt I ate a lot. I had cereal (with milk) + 1 banana for breakfast.
Had 1 banana as a snack. Lunch was steam chicken + cheese + wrap. Followed by 3 bowls of greek yoghurt. That made me feel a little sick and bloated and fat.
But i conquered the day by STOPPING. Then i went to do a mini HIIT routine. In my bra. In my room.
Round 1
1 min Jumping Jacks
1 min mountain climbers
1 min squats
x 3 times

Round 2
1 min Burpees
1 min Push ups
1 min leg lifts
x 3 times

(9 min each round x 2 rounds = 18 mins)

HAPPY NOW.

Wanna do a GRIT class tmr at the gym. 30 mins in the morning.
Hopefully we get an outing in to Stockton.

Will do Body Balance on Sunday to unwind and re do this whole thing again next week.

Onwards & Upwards guys.

Gloom Doom Go Away

To say I have been depressed is the understatement of the century. I wish I had not used the term depressed so loosely before. I really feel like there is a blanket of doom covering me. I feel so sad all the bloody time. But then, sometimes, I feel happy again.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I spoke with Evy on FB today and BOY AM I GLAD. I have been a bit naughty with my indulgence this weekend. Eating chocolate and milk and cakes! Heehee but I know not all is lost. I have been learning a lot about myself and my body image issues and while these issues are far from being resolved, I am sure I am headed in the right direction. Taking one day at a time and striking the word diet from my life. No more. No more prison. No more shackles. I am free. I eat what I want when I want. Though I gotta be a bit ore mindful. But small indulgences here and then is NO big DEAL. Life is a long long time and this is merely a speed bump. A SMALL bump in a long journey. And so what. I am much better than I ever was. I never ate till I was uncomfortably full. Neither did I eat everything in one seating, in a 2 hour period. I ate what I wanted but throughout the whole day. Yes I wish I cut back on some things but I am much better than I ever was. Really. NO MORE BINGING. NO MORE STARVING. NO MORE amenorrhoea. I love my body. I am respecting my body. And also my mind. Speaking to evy stoked my excitement at giving it a go at fitness again. I am not being a hero. No more jumping in with 2 feet ready to dance. No. I am just starting tmr off with a casual 20 min run. And this week is all about that. Runs. Then next week too. Once I get the hang of my 20 min runs I will add stuff in. Realistic, small goals. All to lead myself towards fitness and in the right direction. I feel so happy at the thought of being fit. Evy is right. No point looking back ad seeing where I was. Rather, I’d look forward with the PAST knowledge that I’ve been there before, so I can do it again (I WILL). Plus this time, it will be sustainable. It will be with proper nutrition. It will be with the right mindset. I will fail I know but I will pick myself up and love myself and care for myself and go on. It’ not a sprint. It’s a marathon. There is no TIME limit. There is no,”if I am this weight, when I reach here, if I this…” I won’t even weigh myself. FOR WHAT. I am done being a slave to the numbers. They don’t define me. I will be healthy. I will be strong. I will eat properly BUT I ALSO WILL INDULGE. No more being the cock suffering at outings and weddings. NO MORE.

I want to hire Aqilah. I might. Sem 2 When I am back. Now I just wanna do stuff myself. Who knows, I might not even need to. I might find my groove myself.

THANK YOU ALLAH.

THANK YOU EVY.

MOJO IS BACK.

I have set the alarm for 7am. Re-tied my shoelaces and I am ready to go.
Oh yeah, in the spirit of things, I did 20 half push ups, 20 leg lifts and 20 squats. HEE HEE

LOVING MYSELF.

So I Blew It

Today is Day 01.

Because I blew it yesterday. Typical fat fuck.

Anyway this is what that has been my day so far:

Breakfast at 1130am:
200 ml almond milk (32 cal)
35g Toby’s Fibre Plus Cereal (119 cal)

Lunch at 215pm:
2 hard boiled eggs ( 86 x 2 = 172 cal)
100g boiled sweet potatoes (80 cal)

Snack at 315pm:
110g Banana (98 cal)

The Food Struggle

I’ve just moved to Newcastle, Australia for my Foundation Medicine studies. I was 60 kg at my cousin’s wedding in January. But I went ‘off-course’ and piled on the pounds. When I came here much earlier than my course commencement I was still eating like a pig. Then my parents left, classes commenced and I had to cook for myself. I ate so little I hardly had energy to move any part of my body. I felt I had a cold shoulder when I tried lifting my arms. A typical day for me was consuming 1 hard boiled egg and 100 g of boiled sweet potatoes with a 200 ml-glass of unsweetened almond milk for dinner. Then I’d have 1 fruit for snack somewhere between breakfast and the second (also the last) meal of the day. The fruit usually was apply (free from the University’s Student Association) or a kiwi (leftover from the roadtrip while my family was still here). Then the last meal was dinner at around 6 or 7 pm and it included a measured portion of meat and vegetables and that was that.

So it’s no surprise that I felt like lead everyday. I felt so heavy and lethargic and I felt I couldn’t move. Then I binged. Starving will ultimately lead to that. But I am going to change now. I came here to do well for my foundation course and to secure a place for myself in medicine. I am not going to jeopardise that and sabotage my health at the same time. I weighed in at 68 kg today, directly 2 days after bingeing. This has given me strength because

(A) I am well below 70 kg
(B) if right after eating like a pig and I still weigh 68 kg, this means the next 2 days will easily shave off a few more kgs and I will weigh even lesser than 68.

So now I have decided to eat cleanly and at appropriate times. I will eat a chocolate piece but I will limit myself and do so in moderation. I don’t want to have to stress about my studies AND fret about my weight.

I also will join the gym next Monday onwards. I have to learn to delegate my time appropriately and not focus only on one thing at a time. I can learn to juggle my studies, my food and exercise and I will do so.

So I have started NOW. Not Monday, not tomorrow but NOW.

I had breakfast at 1150 am and these were the foods I ate:

40 g of Fibre Plus Cereal (Apply & Sultanas)
200 ml of Light Fresh Milk
104 g of peaches

I really want to get back to 64 kg at least and then slowly work the last 6-8 kg off after.
My goal weight is 57 kg.

Please help me God.

Shame on you, Daddy

I am angry right now. I have had time to think this through whilst in the shower and I have decided that the emotion I am going with right now is anger. And disappointment. But  mostly just anger.

I was supposed to go look for a laptop with my Dad after my gym session (was scheduled from 9 – 10 am supposedly but I ended at 10.10 am and had a super long ‘Catch-Up’ chat with my trainer and so I ended at 11.20 am). I came home and immediately messaged my Dad to see if he was free and he gave me a ring.

He said he had a meeting to go to at 2 pm and so tomorrow would be a better day. And he asked if I were free. To be honest I had a free Muay Thai Trial at 11 am and when he asked the question I asked back what time he was thinking of going so I could obviously see if it worked for me since I had an appointment. But he went on a rant instead saying how I prioritse fitness over everything else, and how working out during office hours makes me unproductive because I don’t do anything else. He continued saying I should make fitness revolve around my life rather than the other way and how I should be waiting on him to buy the laptop and not keep him waiting. I was infuriated and annoyed. How was I keeping him waiting? He is working at the office and I go to HIS office to see the laptops. I don’t make him come to where I am and I go over at a time he suggested. I don’t make any decisions in this whole situation. I had even gone on my own to reckee the place and checked things out. But all he could focus on was the fact that he saw me going to the gym today at 8.45 am before he left for office. What about the last 3 weeks that I have been out of the gym? What then? He doesn’t say anything about that. I bet he don’t even realise. Always focusing on what he wants and ignoring everything else. What about when I weigh myself and I get elated when I drop some kilos. What about then? He celebrates it with me but do you think that will happen if I stay out of the gym? I am not a gym rat. I workout once a day for about 6 times a week. The only exception I made was when I was on a 6-week tailored program my trainer put me on to tone my body and add some muscle mass. That was the only time I felt I had to train excessively. I was in the gym twice a day and I rarely took and rest days although Sundays were my days off.

My dad is a bloody workaholic. He goes to work EVERY day, even on Sundays when he is not lazy. I know that between his goings to the office and my time spent in the gym, his can be said to me more ‘productive’ because he brings home the dough. But I get fitter and healthier and I feel happy! Doesn’t that count? Just because your job seems to be what is practical for you and the family doesn’t mean it is anymore important than mine. Fine, for you at your age and at this stage in your life this is the thing you are SUPPOSED to do and that you enjoy doing anyway. But I got my own life to live and my own mistakes to make. I want to workout. It makes me happy and keeps me secure. It doesn’t mean my activity is any less weighted or significant than yours. You have no right to discount what makes me happy. This is the first time ever I feel like I cannot bring myself to ask my OWN father for more money to have more sessions with my trainer or to go for bootcamps and I ask why? What’s so bad about treating my body right and working hard to make it better? What’s so bad about having fitness as a hobby? Would you rather I dabble in drugs instead? Or go out having promiscuous sex AFTER office hours?

The only reason I am working out during office hours (what the hell was this about I don’t understand? Why would someone have an argument based on my working out between times of 9 am to 5 pm I fail to understand) is because you HARDLY allow us to do anything other than STAY cooped up at home when you’re home. And guess what genius, you’re only home AFTER office hours.

I have done everything my Dad wants me to. Sure, I may not help him out much at the office or at all because I have my whole life to work in a bloody office (not forgetting the fact that this has nothing to do with my career plans). But this? This fitness thing? The doing what I want when I want and how I want – it’s not going to be this way forever. Yes, I understand that you had to work hard and all that but don’t you wish for me to enjoy my life specifically since you KNOW how hard life is and that once I am graduated with my second degree I will never and I mean NEVER get a chance to do this again?

I know you have worries but don’t you think I get worried too? I have been the fat kid my whole life and now when I am so close, so so close to being a normal person in a perfectly normal weight range, why are you stopping me? Why are you being an obstacle in my path to success? I am trying to be the best I can be NOW because (a) who knows when I will die (b) I don’t know what’s in store for me in Australia! Will I get a good gym? How about food? What about timings? Can I squeeze in a workout a day?

I don’t want to get fat. I have worked so hard to get here. I don’t want to retain water and have a bloated belly. AND I DON’T WANT MY MUSCLES TO ATROPHY. They do you know after 3-4 weeks of inactivity. Why would I want to reverse all my hard work? It’s akin to me asking you to set your office on fire after 12 years of all the hard work you put in setting in up.

What I am saying is yes you have your own problems and your own worries but so do I! At my age these things matter to me and they are JUST as important. I don’t want saggy skin, I hate my stretch marks but these I cannot control. What I can control is my dedication to working out and my muscle mass. So these I will do. And shame on you for trying to stop me.

It’s a healthy hobby and even if for a little while I get to obsess about it and make it my life you should let me because can you guarantee that I can do all these later on? Can you? Plus you allow R to do what he wants (including late night shit and having a girlfriend – bloody double standard) and play cricket 24/7 but you’re seriously going to be a pain in the ass when I am trying to get thin?

Thanks a bunch. Now I am just disappointed and for the first time (again) I wish I had my own money so I didn’t have to ask you for more exercise classes. Just because you raise your voice doesn’t mean you’re always right. Just because you pay for my classes doesn’t give you the right to make me feel obliged to return the ‘favour’ by working in your damn office. Just because you LOVE working in your office doesn’t mean WE gotta love it too.

Plus, I have had enough of the parents thinking I am being too uptight when I reject eating outside with them and would rather eat home-cooked food. It’s a bloody irony. I am trying to be healthy (and save you some money eating at home) and all you can think of me is that I am too rigid? I cannot SWALLOW such gross food. Most of the time it upsets my stomach. And DON’T YOU THINK I WANT TO EAT WITH YOU? All those ice creams and chocolates? They kill me every time I look at them. But taking a taste is worse than not taking it at all. It’s the same reason an alcoholic doesn’t simply ‘take a sip’ of wine.

A Sorceress Was Born

“A person can only rise so high. Now I’m rising above, but there’s a ceiling and I’m about to hit it.” – Dr. Miranda Bailey

And so it goes on and on. It never really stops, does it this family drama? I know I am rambling so I shall pause, take a breath, attempt to calm myself down.. and truly begin this horrific story about the BIG ARSED COUSIN of mine.

After the whole invasion episode, it is fair to say I was behaving slightly (but not alarmingly) standofish with the whale. I mean, you can’t possibly ransack my house, tear apart my privacy leaving only destruction in your wake and expect me to be all smiles and welcomes. But never once did I make it clear I did not want her in my house (alright maybe once when she came up and I didn’t even turn to look at her face. I stayed in the kitchen, dutifully making pancakes and ignoring her). But that apart, we actually were still cordial when we worked out together in the gym (though when I think about it now, I was a little moody but I shall stop trying to implicate myself any further).

So on Friday evening (2 days ago), I received a text message from the abomination that must surely be God’s worst mistake (after the creation of the Devil himself). She said she wanted to borrow some face paint for Halloween that she lent me a couple of years back. I replied saying that since I didn’t use it at all she could have it back. I also said I had passed them to my maid and anytime she’s nearby she can call my maid down.

She replied something cryptic like,” I wouldn’t have minded coming up to get them but no worries, thanks anyway.” I WAS DOING HER  A FAVOUR (in actuality) saving her a trip from coming up to have to collect the face paint. BUT NO, being the bitch she is, she had to act all bitchy.

I left it at that because I wanted to shower. But then I realised, there was still a leeway for her to come to my house (she has a knack for inserting and appearing in places where she’s clearly unwanted) if the product was lying in my house. I got my younger sister who was sending another sister of mine (yes there are 6 kids in my house) for tuition classes and I told her to drop those face paint off. And she did. So when she reached, she called MEGA BITCH WITH FAT ARSE out to collect them but she started rambling on the phone how she is upset because clearly i was behaving rudely and making it obvious that she in unwelcomed in my house (though that is the truth, I never MADE it that obvious, I swear). If you were to go by my messages and the way we were still cordially talking and working out, you would never have jumped to the conclusion she did (I further corroborated this when I told my parents the incident of the FLARING-UP-FOR-NO-REASON and he agreed she was just creaking a ruckus over nothing). She made a big drama about how HER dad would be so upset and how she will no longer come to our house since she is unwelcomed here. My sister tried to calm her down and told her she is over reading into what was a typical message but she wasn’t one to calm down (and according to her, she also wasn’t one to blow things out of proportion. WHAT WAS THIS THEN? If this isn’t what you’d call making a mountain of a molehill, can you imagine the kind of DRAMA she is used to?). My sister simply ended the conversation and she received 2 more texts after that affirming that said cousin wouldn’t come over ever.

Then I came home and was alerted to the drama and I rang her up immediately to clear the air. I did not want my families involved because truth be told, my Dad gets affected when his brother doesn’t speak to him (as is normal) and knowing this sorceress, she is capable of magicking something out of nothing (as seen in the episode), and she is also very capable at manipulating facts and I was afraid she could do some potential damage. So I made light on the phone and I even What’s Apped her but she didn’t reply. On the phone she said she’d call me back. She didn’t till Sunday.

I actually posted a picture of a quote that was about throwing out people who sucked the happiness out of your life and I blocked her on What’s App and my phone but she still managed to send me an SMS after (Gotta check my damn phone’s ability to add contacts to the reject list PROPERLY). She said can she come collect those personal training sheets my trainer had left us (her copy was with me). I didn’t reply and she called but I was on the other line.

So after a while (even though I put the phone down pretty quickly), I called her back and she was all normal. THAT BITCH. Really a meg, fucking two-faced cow. Always creating drama. If she thinks we are ever going to be normal after this well, she’s in for a shock and she can take her 2 FAT faces and go for a bloody hike to hell.

I hate her and she is one person who’s death will mean nothing but an interminable road filled with happiness.

I really wish I could just cut out these toxic bitches from my life and carry on because really I was much better when I used to ignore her (yes her antics started from way back and she was and is the bane of my existence).

Gosh! This sucks. But now, I gotta go back to behaving like a hypocrite who likes her because my pansy family cannot afford to get into a feud.

Invasion

Yesterday was one of the many normal days I have been having. I went for my Personal Training session at the Gym in my condominium with my cousin (whom I hate but tolerate because it’s cheaper to buddy-train and no one else is available to do so).

My training days with E (Trainer) is usually on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the evenings and Sundays in the mornings. But since she was sick, she had rescheduled it to Friday evening (i.e. yesterday). At first, my huge-assed cousin said she could not make it and so I privately messaged the Trainer (instead of in our What’s App Group) to come earlier and do a solo for me. She agreed to come at 4pm (Note, huge-assed cousin is working and cannot make it any other time other than in the evenings). That was settled. Then suddenly, said cousin who was ‘endowed’ with an alarming-sized posterior sent me a text saying I should have let her in on my plans and made it transparent in the group chat that we were still going to go ahead with training (Again take note, she already told us she COULDN’T make it and I only made plans AFTER she told me she was tied up. Also, all this while when she had been down with a calf injury, this was the way I planned my solo sessions with the trainer – by privately messaging her.) I was angry but I told myself whatever and actually took the pains to reschedule to an evening session (despite it being my birthday and that I MAY have plans – though I most definitely did not. Birthdays are not my thing.). After the session we usually have to do some cardio workout on our own but since I knew some cousins were coming over I had already done my cardio before hand and I left right after training while HAC (huge-assed cousin) apparently stayed back (though just for a while because she came up pretty quickly to my house to shower because she had a dinner to attend to with her sisters, who also came over for a while and my lame-assed Uncle who’s a dimwit – I know, I have an overwhelming, uncontrollable love for my extended family). And that was when trouble began.

In case you haven’t quite picked up on the fact that I hate my cousin, I HATE MY COUSIN. She is a nosy, manipulative bitch and she thrives on gleaning information from one household so she can
(a) use it for herself
(b) use it for her entertainment as she spreads stuff around
(c) maliciously twist the information out of context and then spread it around.

Basically, she is an attention-seeking whore. She came into MY kitchen and helped herself to MY FRUITS and my GREEK YOGHURT. I was using an alternative brand and there was about 70g of it left and I didn’t care if it was FINISHED by the said bitch because usually I do not eat that brand. I only bought it because my usual one was out of stock. But then MY MOTHER DEAREST had to tell her oh don’t worry there’s another kind and she opened the OTHER fridge and took out my usual yoghurt to give her a spoonful so she could hit a 100g (oh she was using my food scale too). ALL OF THESE WITHOUT EVEN CONSULTING ME or at least PRETENDING TO ASK ME IF IT WAS OK. Bitch face.

And at that point, she saw my huge collection of greek yoghurt tubs (usual one that I had finally bought after they kept being sold out and so many places) and she went back another time to TAKE A PICTURE pretending to my sister that she had to ‘keep a food log because the trainer said so’. HELLO, if that were true you would have handed in the food log 8 weeks ago, cow.

At that point, I was still unaware of this happening and I sat down to eat my dinner across from her in the table and the bitch so obviously moved the glass bottle that was obscuring her view  of my plate so that she could SEE what I was eating and as usual comment on it.

I was really, deeply insulted and I was simmering inside. I wish she would drop dead because honestly, nobody likes her. Most definitely not me. Her invasion of my home and privacy is not something I tolerate well. I feel like I HAVE to hide in my own house. I have training with her again tomorrow and I had to tell my mother to be on the lookout for a text that I would send before coming up so she could serve my breakfast in my bedroom and under some “I need the toilet” pretense, I’ll lock myself in and eat in peace. I also told my maid/helper to change the location of my tubs from one Fridge to another (the beauty of having 3 fridges) so that when she comes and tries to take one, we are all going to tell her to fuck off. Ok now, my mum is too nice and she is only a party to this because she knows it upsets me to have my LIFE scrutinised. So when she asks (and boy am I willing to bet my life on that), we will say, “Oh we have given those away. Those weren’t for me. I bought them for a friend.” The shit we have to resort to to protect our privacy and semblance of sanity.

But I also analaysed this:
She may know what brand of yoghurt I eat but:
(a) it is incredibly hard to get that particular brand so I will say I got it from blahblahblah
(b) she cannot possibly be me. That’s just one aspect of the variety of foods I consume. Just because she knows one thing doesn’t mean she can deduce the amount, time, frequencies and type of meals I eat. In this race, she is still lagging behind. And I am happy for that. I know I sound like a bitch but you haven’t met her and she’s toxic. I wish I could cut her out but oh boy, that doesn’t happen in our desi families where tolerating gossip and being continuously back-stabbed is preferable to having a peaceful life.

It is my time to shine. So bitch, take a seat and don’t hold your breath.

F.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step

Don’t be so shocked. I know, 2 posts in 2 consecutive days? What has happened to F? But here I am, again with ample time on my hands as I sit right in the middle of Prague Airport waiting for Emirates to open their counter so I can check in and get my boarding pass and head towards the gate to wait some more. You know, I really hate transits. They are a waste of time and energy, but more about that next time.

Anyhow, I left Vienna yesterday by bus at approximately 1830 hours. I was a little sad (being honest here) about leaving my two travel mates because I knew I would be seeing them again. One is from Singapore and the other Hong Konger would be visiting Singapore soon. So not much to cry about there. More than feeling sad though, I was nervous. I did not know how I was going to manage lugging around my 2 pieces of luggage from Bratislava Airport (where the final bus station is) to the Hotel which is, yes, only 600m away. But thankfully, I managed. I bought two 35-cent tickets – one for the short, short journey to the Hotel and one for the return to the Airport the next morning. No major incidents occurred except for the time the bus almost closed its doors on me as I disembarked to carry down one of the 2 pieces of luggage I was heaving around with me. I was about to enter the bus (96) again to take my second luggage when I heard the piston releasing air and the inevitable creaking of the door hinges as it overcomes its inertia and begins to close. So the door hit me a little but it’s no apocalypse. I survived. I am stronger now because I wasn’t killed (they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger).

I walked the even shorter distance to Hotel Aviator Garni and was pleasantly surprised as the receptionist came out to help me heave my bags over the short flight of stairs and helped me check in. He even carried my bigger luggage all the way to my room for me. It was located on the second floor of the hotel, which looks more like a  motel. He spoke English reasonably well which is like music to my ears because I have yet to meet anyone who speaks decent English in Slovakia. Turns out, he was brought up in Canada despite being born in Slovakia (no wonder the gentlemanly demeanor, the helpful nature and the well-spoken English!)

I went in, charged my phone, changed into shorts, used the toilet and laid down on my bed only to realise the wifi had a code and I did not know what it was. So I went down again and the same receptionist helped me out. He was really, really kind.

I came back up to my room and was online reading articles, listening to music (thank God for the Saavan App), and watched videos on YouTube. I also messaged some friends and family on WhatsApp. I wanted to use my laptop but for some reason, it could’t connect to the Internet. Then I slept till 0445 hours the next day. I wanted to sleep some more but couldn’t. So I just lazed around, tossed and turned, closed my eyes, played with my phone again, checking for messages and likes on my instagram, etc. Then I fell asleep for a while – a really really short while – when I heard some noise. I was annoyed because it sounded like someone was either clicking something or moving about touching stuff that was causing the pitter-patter noise. Only then did I realise, IT WAS RAINING! My heart sank because I had to walk a short distance to the bus stop which wasn’t sheltered and I was going to be wet. I couldn’t afford to open my umbrella and hold it above my head because both my hands were going to be occupied with handling the luggage. I quickly downed my thyroid medication and chromium supplement and took a quick shower. The rain was light but not light enough. I wanted to ask if the receptionist could call me a taxi. And I also saw an off chance that the rain may start becoming lighter and I wanted to start walking as soon as that happens. I was ready by seven ish and walked down with my bags. Again the receptionist heard me coming down and helped me with my bags. Though on the way down, my cabin sized luggage fell and slid down the stairs which is a good thing because it meant i did not have to lug it down. He gave me my bill (I had already paid yesterday when I checked in) and..  <<WAIT FOR IT>> HE OFFERED TO DRIVE ME TO THE AIRPORT! HOLY RAVIOLI! I was incredibly touched and eternally grateful for his kindness. In case you haven’t guessed, I am a worrywart and his act of kindness totally lifted a burden off my chest! He picked my heavier luggage and I the lighter cabin one and together we walked to his car to keep them and then I got in and he dropped me off. He told me the hotel was still undergoing completion works and will be fully done in a while more. He explained that they would have vans to pick passengers to and from the airport in future. He also told me here that he was raised in Canada and he said he really liked Singapore because he knew it was clean and beautiful though really crowded.

I realised I had no need for my second 35-cent ticket that I had purchased the day before. But what’s 35 cents compared to the free, amazing service I was offered by the receptionist. I should have asked for his name!

If you ever have to transit in Bratislava, I highly recommend the Hotel Aviator Garni. Not only was the receptionist incredibly warm and accommodating, the rooms were also beautiful and clean and the service was impeccable. I am a little disappointed that I only spent several hours in the room because it was one of the best hotels I have seen during my time backpacking in Europe these past 6 weeks (talking about reasonably priced accommodations that aren’t 5 or 7 stars).

So I was in the airport really early. I connected to the free wifi and passed my time stalking people on different social platforms and spamming my family. Then it was finally time to take the flight from Bratislava to Prague. I checked in at the Czech Airlines counter at 0810 hours and it was fast. My bag weighed 24.2kg (whoops!) and the lady let me through without so much as commenting that i was technically 1,2kg over the allowed amount. She also said my bag would be through checked-in all the way till Singapore so I do not have to pick it up in Prague or Dubai! The day seemed to be getting better and better (fingers crossed, don’t want to jinx anything).When I was arriving in Bratislava, I had to pick my luggage up at Prague and re-check in because thy couldn’t do a through check-in for me. But thank my lucky stars (and God) that it was possible this time around because, as I have mentioned countless times, my bag really weighs a ton. The lady at the departure gate checking our boarding passes, however, looked like a mighty bitch. She didn’t smile and was checking out her nails while we waited for her to see our passes and allowed us entry. I hated her attitude. I managed to clear customs check and went in with no further incidents. Sat and waited again till it was time to board the plane. And now, here I am. Waiting in the Airport for Emirates.

I have only completed stage 1 of my 3 stages of journey back home to Singapore. I dread the upcoming transits and waiting but on the bright side, this is the longest transit I have. The next one in Dubai, I get to shop! I need to get my 11-year old sister her Chanel Nail Varnishes. I know it is ridiculous that such a young girl is already so luxuriously choosing branded nail polishes to ‘play’ with but I think it is perfectly fine because:
(a) she is really passionate about her nail designing
(b) it is a perfectly healthy hobby
(c) she is incredibly talented
(d) those cheap nail polishes cannot last long, making you buy more over a shorter span of time so in actuality, you’re wasting more money than you’re saving
(e) these nail polishes would mostly be used on us, her sisters, so really she is doing us a favour.

My route for this journey back home goes like this:
Bratislava-Prague (5-hour transit)-Dubai (3-hour transit)-Singapore.

Alright then. I shall stop typing here because I want to check in and also because my back is hurting from sitting in such an awkward position.
Till next time,

Astalavista

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An Idle Mind is a Devil’s Workshop

It’s funny how quickly time seems to fly at times and at others, it painfully crawls by. It’s all a matter of perception I guess. I have been away from home for the longest period ever while on this trip to Europe. I am currently on my second last day here and will depart tomorrow morning at 0955 hours from Bratislava to  Prague. And my flights go on and on and on.. No, I’m not kidding. I’ll be boarding three flights to get home to Sunny Singapore tomorrow: Bratislava – Prague – Dubai – Singapore. It will take me  ~24 hours to get home!

I never knew that these 6 weeks would pass as fast as they did but then these last few days seem to go by incredibly slow. It seems all I have been doing is looking at my planner and watch how the days inch by, how the seconds seem to still and time freezes. I just want to be with my family, which is another funny story because I was moody all the time just before leaving for Educate Slovakia, my project which I signed up for on AIESEC where I get to board for free in a student’s dormitory while providing English lessons on my country and culture to Slovak students in elementary and high schools. Can’t say I really enjoyed my time doing that. All I know is that this trip has been eye-opening for one and only one reason: TEACHING IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT MY CUP OF TEA. Or coffee for that matter. I couldn’t wait to get out of all the schools, no matter how nice the staff and students were. Time again betrayed me by going by at a snail’s pace. No, scratch that, even a snail was moving faster. It was torture to have to teach the same contents over and over again to groups of students who couldn’t care less. I died trying to muster up the same high level of enthusiasm and creativity when teaching a new batch of class the same thing I have been teaching the previous 82283249231 batches! It was torture. It was plain torture and my brain cells actually degenerated when I had to slow my pace down and talk as though I was speaking to a bunch of 2-year olds. That just makes me wonder how mothers do it. How are they around their child 24 hours a day and not suffer from the gooey brain sludge oozing out of their ears after it starts degrading? Oh well, they say a mother’s love is unparalleled. I’ll just take it as that.

Currently, I’m sitting in the “lounge” area of Hotel Ibis (Budget) in St Marx, Vienna, passing time as I wait for my bus to depart from the bus station (which is nearby considering but will feel as though it is 3278462349432 miles away as I start lugging my luggage with me because it weighs a ton and oh, I have 2 to lug). My bus will bring me to Bratislava Airport where I’ll be sleeping overnight at a nearby hotel (again I will succumb to my laziness and take a city bus from the Airport to the hotel which is only 600m away because nobody, and I mean nobody, in their right minds would want to carry along a bag that weighs 252430248 kg). So in actuality, I am not being lazy. I am being practical. I do not want to reach home with arms that no longer function properly just because I insisted on WALKING 600m. So there you go.

I have been thinking these past few days just how funny humans actually are. I have been eagerly counting down my days till I get to leave the bloody EU (because it is just gross and dirty and functions as efficiently as a fish trying to breathe on land) to see my family. I miss them the most. But I realised that the past few weeks before leaving for the EU and the project, I have been moody and unreasonable and have even lost my temper countless times. I was impatient with them and didn’t stop to think how much they actually mean to me and that all those times I got mad was unnecessary and trivial. I should have taken a deep breath and just let it go! But this trip has served me well in the sense that I now know a few things about myself:

1. I was unappreciative of my family and the sacrifices they made to accommodate me and my crazy OCD habits. I will not be so petty any longer.
2. While it was hard to leave them and be away for so long, I now know that I can and my time in Australia will be significantly better as this was a preview of my time away. It is going to be for a much longer time but I know that I will be able to cope if I know that at the end of a certain time period, I will be able to meet them.
3. I learnt many new things about the EU, how many different countries use the same currency, how you can cross borders without a passport, the ease with which you can source for and book hotels/hostels and how to effectively plan trips.
4. I made a couple of new friends and I am incredibly proud of myself for not pushing people away (as I tend to do after a while) and that I persevered in maintaining a good relationship with everyone (even though secretly, I wished to murder a few in their sleep). These are the people I believe who will help in the passage of time and make it fly!
5. I really need my alone time and this trip has afforded me NONE. My alone time actually means doing nothing with family in the background. I seem to be always highly strung and too proper when I am around people I consider outsiders, i.e. friends and anyone who are not family per se.
6. While I enjoy cooking & baking at home, I cannot seem to muster enough energy to cook a decent meal here while away from home. I need the convenience of a well-stocked kitchen and I want my mother’s cooking because I realise how healthy and incredible it is.
7. The weather in Europe is incredibly unpredictable. It should be in a class of its own.
8. I CAN’T BLOODY WAIT TO GO BACK TO SINGAPORE BECAUSE IT IS SO CONVENIENT AND I AM A SPOILT BRAT.

I will detail my travelling events in a new post or else this post will turn into a 1000-page novel. And I shall end here for now. I just decided to post because:

(a) I had ample free time on my hands
(b) There is free wi-fi
(c) An idle mind is a devil’s workshop & I can’t have that happening during the first day of the fasting month! As it is, I am not even fasting..

Till next time, adios amigos!

x o x o
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