So it’s past midnight as I sit here at my table, type, type, typing away on my keyboard as my younger sister sleeps behind me on the bed that we share. I am ‘Tumblring’ pictures of elegantly dressed brides. I love seeing the typical white wedding gowns they don but what I enjoy seeing most is the colourful Indian/Pakistani wedding costumes South Asian women wear. This has got me thinking about my own wedding – when will it come, to whom will it be with, what type of clothes will I wear, what ceremonies to have, who to invite, what colour theme, etc.
I wish to find a man who is mature yet childish at the same time. He must be sensible enough to take a stand and run a household, to make firm decisions and take care of us both but he must also be endearing and cute. He must be able to make me laugh till my sides hurts and my eyes water.
I want a man who can hold a conversation with my parents. Who can convince my Dad why he is the next best man after him to take care of me. To show him that he will never leave me and will forever hold my hand.
I want a man who knows that I want to be taken care of but that I do not NEED to be taken care of. That I can be independent and strong. That I can lead my own life and make my own decisions. I want him to understand me such that he even knows when my silence means something at times and when my laughs mean nothing at times.
I want a man who knows that it is not my duty to cook for him and that I do it precisely because he doesn’t expect me to. I want a man who knows that my place is not in the kitchen or in his bed, but beside him. I want a man who is soft and sensitive but hard and firm at the same time.
I want a man who can hold me when I cry and soothe me when I am incensed. I want a man who can be with me when I am sick, when I am down and when I am at my lowest. I want a man who wants to still be with me at my ugliest so I can show him myself at the prettiest.
I want a man who thinks I am worth it.
And the sad part is, I already found one such person only to have lost him
I wish with all my heart he comes back and when everything else is dark, hope is the only light, and that is precisely what I am clutching on to with both hands.